Meltdowns and Manicures

Today was a doozy of a day. I'm sitting here, at 12:30am, early Sunday morning, and I'm wondering how it was that this day turned out to be so difficult. I mean really, really, bleeping diffcult. My darling daughter had what felt like a million meltdowns today. The last of which ended up with her hitting herself over and over again in anger and frustration. There was lots of screaming. I mean the-neighbours-are-going-to-call-the-police kind of screaming. Thank goodness our bodies are designed to sleep, because it is the only quiet we've had all day.


Oh, how I love her, but oh, how hard it was today. 


On a brighter note, I found a colour of nail polish today that I love! Sally Hansen's "Plum's the Word" (I mean, hello, how cute is that)? I never do my nails - this is the first time in years that I have put nail polish on - but this weekend I just felt like having painted nails. I tried three different colours before I finally found "Plum's the Word". That's a helluva lot of toxic fumes wafting through the house. But, I love the colour and it was fun. Pleasure in small things, and all that.

Oh, the Inflexibility

As many parents of children with Asperger's could probably tell you, Asperger's children are very inflexible. They want things done their way, and they want things done in the same way. All the time. And this inflexibility includes planning for the day as well. If I say we are going to do something (or not going to do something) and the plans change, it throws A off, and completely ruins her day. It is so difficult for her to adapt to changes once she has things set in her mind. Which in turn, makes it difficult for us. So, we've learned to be very careful with how we word things. Instead of "we're going to the grocery store today" we might try to say "we're going to try to make it to the grocery store today." But then of course we find A following us around all day asking if we're going to make it to the grocery store. Uncertainty, too, causes her anxiety.


So, how much inflexibility do we allow? There are many days where it is impossible to stick to the original plan. There are too many factors to consider. Time. Weather. What if the car breaks down? What if someone is sick? What if the dog is sick? What if the store closes before we make it there? Once, we planned to go swimming, and the pool had to unexpectedly shut down because of a contamination issue. Nothing is certain. And that drives A crazy. And isn't it important for her to figure out a way to adapt to unexpected events?


There are days where the meltdowns are too much for us to handle, and you'll find us bending over backwards to make sure all goes as planned. Today has been one of those particularly difficult days. I've been very frustrated most of the day, and of course so has A. I felt my own meltdown coming, when suddenly I found A sitting at her work table crying. Not because something unexpected was happening, but because the dinosaur she was drawing didn't look good (to her).


Another thing many parents of Asperger's children can tell you: our children can be perfectionists. Which means they can be so hard on themselves. A was beside herself over her drawing. And I heard these heartbreaking words spilling from her mouth:


"I'm the worsest girl in the world."
"I'm the worsest drawer in the world."
"My pictures never look real. They're the worsest."
"Everyone is better than me at everything."
"Do you even still love me?"


Granted, the last question was probably because she could sense my mounting agitation with her as the day wore on, but it was all too much negative energy for a six year old girl. We chatted and talked about being proud of our work, and being proud of whatever it is that we accomplish. She eventually claimed to understand what I was saying, but I know she won't put it into practice. For this is the 1000th time that we've discussed this.


So, someone tell me that she will get better with this. That all the "stuff" that Asperger's children have to deal with in a day will get easier for them. That she'll find ways to adapt, and be more flexible. That she'll be flexible with herself and not expect perfection out of herself, all of the time. That every day won't be so hard, and won't be such a struggle.


We're forcing her to adapt to the world, but is it too much to ask the world to bend a little for her? Shouldn't we all do a little bit to make the world easier for those of us who are different?


In the meantime, A's masterpiece: a beautiful striped pterosaur that I fished out of the garbage and uncrinkled.

Morphine Induced Hisses and Lots of Kisses

We spent last night in the emergency room at the Children's Hospital. Poor little A was in so much pain, and was dehydrated, so we gathered her up and went to make sure there wasn't anything else going on. 


Turns out it is probably a virus, but because she was in agony, and because she couldn't keep anything down, the doctor decided to give her some anti-nausea medication, followed by a little morphine to take the edge off her pain. Boy, did it ever work. Within seconds (really!) she was smiling, and totally comfortable. And a little bit high. 2:00am in the emergency room, with an IV drip in her hand, our little girl started rambling. She couldn't stop talking about everything in the room as though she had just walked in. She was hissing like a snake because there was a picture of a snake on the wallpaper that just enraptured her. It was, apparently, the best snake ever. She talked about how she could see things on the left with only her left eye, and things on the right with only her right eye. She hissed some more. And she rambled on and on about I'm not sure what. It was hilarious. And because she was finally comfortable and not nauseous, we were all happy. And many snake hisses later we were home. And she was still high. She thought it was raining in the kitchen, and after I assured it all was dry, we all headed off to bed - hissing.


She had a fever most of the night, but altogether today is a better day. No throwing up, but still a lot of tummy pain. And because the thing that upset her the most about all of this was that we didn't get Thanksgiving dinner, I am making it today. She will eat what she can, and she will be happy. Because mom and dad can't bear to watch her cry anymore about missing Thanksgiving.  Anything to make a sick girl smile.

Fast Forward

Several birthdays, several dogs, kindergarten graduation, and parvo for summer = no blogging.  It's been a crazy last several months! A quick recap of spring/summer 2011.


First, the heartbreak of April 2011. We decided to get A new puppy. Daisy, our 10 year old maltese/poodle just wasn't keen on the idea of hanging out with a small child. We got an adorable little Labradoodle we named Cooper. Six days later, Cooper passed away from canine parvo. There is nothing worse than a six year old with a broken heart. But in those six days, we all fell in love with the little guy.

Fast forward to May 2011. We did everything we were supposed to do. Bleached absolutely everything in the house (I even bleached the lawn!) bleached the car, and got a new puppy. A FULLY vaccinated puppy. Fully vaccinated puppy = can't get parvo. Well, for whatever reason, the new puppy still got parvo. Vets can't explain why. But, thanks to the help of a wonderful breeder, Finnegan came back home to us after an extended hospital stay. He is perfectly healthy, happy, and a loved member of our family. Here he is sunning himself.

Fast forward to June/July 2011. A graduated from kindergarten. Yay! We celebrated by getting sick! Boo! A few days after the last day of school, I got Fifths Disease. Apparently I didn't get it as a child. Fever, chills, rashes EVERYWHERE, dizziness, and painful, swollen joints. This lasted weeks. And during the course of these weeks, A caught it from me. There goes July.


Fast forward to August 2011. We're all healthy - yay. But, now A is having anxiety about starting grade one. Most of August was spent trying to comfort her, and let her enjoy what is left of her summer. Best day ever happened in August though. Trip to Drumheller to the Royal Tyrrell Museum, followed by hours of water fun at the Drumheller dinosaur water park.


Fast forward to September/October 2011. A starts grade 1! We are muddling through, and she is learning so much. And here we are on Thanksgiving Day, October 2, 2011. We were all looking forward to brown sugar glazed ham, macaroni and cheese, asparagus, scalloped potatoes, and apple pie. But none of that happened. Nope. A has the stomach flu instead. Fever. Chills. Nausea. Vomiting. And a whole lotta discomfort. So our Thanksgiving feast will have to wait. Hopefully tomorrow! 


Happy Thanksgiving!

Meet (yet to be named) Pteranodon!

I had leftover yarn from A's birthday sweater, and like last year I have crocheted her a little matching dinosaur (or in this case pterosaur).
Last year for her fifth birthday (5!) I knit her a dinosaur sweater that kind of looked like a stegosaurus (plates and all).  With the leftover yarn, I crocheted her a stegosaurus (pattern from June Gilbank). It matched her sweater and A loved it.

This year there was no plan to crochet a matching dinosaur with her birthday sweater, but I had enough leftover yarn, and another wonderful pattern from June Gilbank: "Pteranodon". So, of course I crocheted another matching dinosaur for her. Technically though, a pteranodon is not a dinosaur, but a pterosaur (flying reptile) that lived with the dinosaurs. Still, most of us think of them as dinosaurs. My daughter, of course, could give you all the specifics of dinosaur vs. pterosaur. Suffice it to say, they definitely belonged together. A has had a bit of a love affair with pterosaurs lately, so I'm hoping she will love the little guy (or girl). It turned out so cute, and is absolutely adorable. So, for the second year in a row, she will have a new birthday sweater, and new birthday dinosaur (pterosaur).

Maybe the beginning of a birthday tradition? She's seen the sweater as I had her try it on over and over again for me while I was knitting it to make sure it fit. But, this little dinosaur will be a surprise. How I hope it becomes one of her favourites! Can't wait for her birthday to arrive, even though it is difficult to wrap my head around the fact that she is turning six years old in days. Six! Time marches too quickly for me.

Tiny Orange Tea Birthday Sweater for A

Whoooosh! A's birthday sweater really took no time to knit. It's the Tiny Tea Leaves Cardigan  and it turned out just as I wanted it to (which is fabulous because it's only my second sweater ever!)

The pattern is beautifully written, easy to follow, and the result is a really wearable sweater. I used the recommended yarn, madelinetosh tosh vintage, in coral. I was worried while the yarn was in the mail on its way here, that the colour might after all be too, well, orange. And even in the hank it appeared more orange than I had expected when I first ordered the yarn. But when I knit it up it turned less orange, and more (as it's name would suggest) coral. There are beautiful pink and pale yellowy-beige tones running through the yarn. A really feminine yarn that shows beautifully against A's dark hair. And what a pleasure it was to knit with. This yarn is so tightly wound, and yet remains springy and light. But, even though it is superwash merino (washable) I couldn't bring myself to throw it into the washing machine. So, a nice bath instead with wool wash.


Here's the kicker. Although this yarn is machine washable, it is not suggested that you dry this yarn in a machine dryer. Guess what? After the yarn got wet, it grew. Ridiculously. My 4 by 4 inch swatch grew to a monstrous 6.5 by 6.5 inch swatch. I panicked. I went on the internet. Read that many people experienced this with superwash merino. Read that I should try throwing it into the dryer for 20 minutes or so, then laying out to dry the rest of the way. It was only a gauge swatch. I had nothing to lose. Threw it into the dryer. Fetched it after 15 minutes. It looked, and felt, exactly as it had the moment I bound off. It was a 4 by 4 inch swatch again. The stitches were lined up perfectly. It was bouncy and springy.


See, I don't mind giving the sweater a bath. Really, it doesn't take long and it's not all that difficult. It's the drying part that gets to me. Especially with a sweater. Let me tell you, this sweater could take days to dry (especially in the winter). It really, really helps that I can put this into the dryer for a bit. In fact, after I saw that my swatch was fine, I let it dry all the way in the dryer. Came out perfect. Probably wouldn't do that with the sweater, but it feels good knowing that I could.


I am very happy with this sweater, and this yarn. And very happy with A's reaction to it. She loved it the moment she tried it on. Although, the scoop neckline was a little too scooped for her little shoulders. So, I added a single crochet edging to the neckline, followed by another row of single crochet, decreasing every third stitch (I used the invisible decrease.) Worked just right. It looks wonderful The neckline is still scooped, but much less so (it isn't going to fall right off of her!) And the crochet edging added stability to the neckline. It isn't so floppy and stretchy anymore. A good thing when five year old hands are buttoning and unbuttoning. 

And speaking of buttons, A picked them out herself! Much more sophisticated than I expected. Perfect buttons. Although, she did first pick out dinosaur buttons. But alas, they were too small for this project. We bought them anyway. You never know.

Quiet

It is just past midnight on a Sunday night. Late, considering I have to be up in about six hours. And late considering I will toss and turn in bed, as I always do, until I finally drift into blissful sleep. But, little A is asleep, and my husband is out playing hockey. Yes, when he plays his games are very, very late. He's been gone since 10:00, and will likely be home around 1:00 this morning. For me, it has been a very quiet, very late, night. And it's wonderful. I don't think I actually realized how much I missed this. Quiet. No crying, no talking, no questions, no television, nothing to do. Just quiet. Even the dog is taking advantage of all this stillness, and is enjoying her quiet time under the blanket. 


And me? I knitted, and then I read. And then I realized I wanted to do nothing. So, I did nothing for awhile. My mind, too, is quiet. How rare is that? So, I found myself listening to the sounds of my house. The humming of fish tank, and the furnace going off and on.  And now here I am writing about all this quiet so that when things get back to being loud (for it inevitably, and thankfully, will) I can come back and remember how much I like the quiet. And how much I need it every once in awhile. Hope you find time in your week for a little quiet, too.

Look What I Got . . .

for Valentine's Day, my birthday, and my anniversary! A big expense for something I wanted (not needed) and I feel very lucky and spoiled.

I have a perfectly fine PC laptop, but my husband and I have been talking about switching to Apple (not too seriously, I thought, until he surprised me with this!) It's different, and I am slowly adjusting to all the differences, but I LOVE it. And it's so pretty. And since my daughter's school uses this same computer, it will be great for my daughter to have this at home.

Very happy. Very lucky.

Ouch.

This morning, while getting A ready for school, I pinched a nerve in my neck. And no, I wasn't doing any heavy lifting, or some other very physical activity. I just stretched. Reached my arms up in the air and went for a nice big morning stretch, and then felt an odd pull on my neck. Uh-Oh. Two minutes later I felt my neck getting stiffer and stiffer. And now I can't move it up or down, left or right. My very happy daughter gets to stay home from school today, and her very unhappy mother is moving like a robot. A malfunctioning robot.

In the meantime, I am trying to stay mobile (as apparently it will help blood flow to the area and help with pain management - and it's working!) And I think I should knit. I'm working on baby sweaters for my cousin who is expecting twins! A boy and a girl! Love how quickly little baby sweaters knit up. And I am very, very patiently (although I've pretty much run out of it) waiting for the yarn for A's birthday sweater. I'm knitting Tiny Tea Leaves Cardigan (pattern by Melissa LaBarre) and ordered 4 skeins of Madelinetosh Vintage superwash merino for it, but have yet to receive it in the mail. Apparently the yarn has been delayed at customs. Hmmmm.